PROPER 17A - Exodus 3:1-15; Psalm 105:1-6, 23-26, 45c; Romans 12:9-21; Matthew 16:21-28 - A sermon given by The Rev. Peter A. Munson for St. Ambrose Episcopal Church, Boulder, Colorado

 

Turning Aside and Losing Yourself

 

INTRODUCTION

 

What happened before Moses turned aside to see the bush that was ablaze, yet which was not burned up? You’ll recall that he came across an Egyptian beating up a Jew, and after “he looked this way and that, and seeing no one he killed the Egyptian...” (Exodus 2:12) Then, when it turned out that someone had seen him do this, he fled to Midian. He helped the daughters of the priest of Midian, who were being harassed at a well, and ending up staying in Midian and marrying one of the priest’s daughters, Zipporah, and having a son. In the meantime, he took up being a shepherd.

 

But his life totally changed when he turned aside to see what was going on with that bush on Mt. Horeb (also known as Mt. Sinai).

 

Was Midian a wrong turn for Moses? I don’t know if we can say that, exactly. It is the place he fled to when he didn’t know what else to do. And God found him there.

 

LAW SCHOOL

 

I have a Midian-like place in my life, a place where I went when I didn’t know what else to do. It’s maybe five or six miles from here. It’s the old law school building at the University of Colorado. I spent three years of my life going in and out of that building. Some of you have heard me say before that it was the most trying time of my life. Not so much because law school was challenging, which it certainly was. But more so because, the longer I was in law school, the more trouble I had figuring out why I was there. It seemed somewhat clear to me why I was there in the beginning. But day by day, and year by year, I felt more and more lost. I suppose I started down that road because I saw law school as a path to having a successful career in the world. But after a while, it started to dawn on me that I was there because I didn’t know what else to do.

 

I didn’t drop out or flunk out of law school. Sometimes, looking back on it - with all the turmoil that was going on inside for me - I’m still surprised at that. I have always been a persevering person, when it comes to challenges. I don’t give up easily. But there was one thing I failed to do in law school - one very important thing. I failed to turn aside, like Moses did.

 

Moses had a sign, a burning bush. Wow! You and I might be tempted to say, “Well, Lord, I’d turn aside and see what was going on if you got my attention with a burning bush!” But you know what? That’s a cop-out. Let’s not kid ourselves. God gives us signs all the time. My stomach was in turmoil during all of my three years in law school. If that wasn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.

But I never fully stopped, and turned aside. I just kept pushing on, kept pushing through. I didn’t fully question what I was doing, or why. It was more like, “I’m here now. I’m committed. I’m going to finish.” It sounds somewhat admirable. But if you’re lost in the wilderness, and you need to be found, what is the typical advice for that situation. “Stay put! Don’t just keep wandering around.” I never stopped. I never turned aside and said, as honestly as I could, “Lord, I’m dying here. What should I do?”

 

But something did eventually happen. I graduated. And I didn’t have a job offer. I still didn’t totally turn aside. But I did figure out one next step, which was that I needed a job. Before I graduated from law school, I met with a Peace Corps recruiter on campus, and filled out an application. I had always wanted to go overseas. “Tell me what kinds of jobs there are. Can you use someone with a law degree?” “No,” I was told, “but we can sure use someone with all the math and science you had as an undergrad. You can be a teacher.” I thought to myself, “But I had those qualifications three years ago, and this door did not open!” I guess I needed three years in Midian. Perhaps I had some growing up to do first.

 

Five months after graduating from law school, I was off to Jamaica for training. Six weeks after that, I landed in the country where I would spend the next 2-1/2 years. And a few weeks after I landed in Dominica, I took my first step in turning aside. Finally I did something similar to what Moses did. I said, “Here I am, Lord.” Moses was on Mt. Sinai. I was out on a tiny piece of land, surrounded by miles and miles of water. Okay, maybe I can finally turn aside here. This is pretty drastic. Did I have to come all the way out here to turn aside? Probably not. But that’s what finally did it for me.

 

“Okay, Lord. I’m here. Help me make some sense of the last three years of my life. Nobody is around to give me advice anymore. It’s just you and me, and I’m listening. I think I’m finally ready to listen.”

 

Within six weeks of being in Dominica I knew I was never going to be a lawyer. (If I have a rough day at work, Julia sometimes says to me, “You could still be a lawyer, you know.” I roll my eyes and shake my head. Oh, God - no!) “Not a lawyer - okay, God. I’m clear on that now. So now what?” I spent the next two years listening. I guess you could say I spent two years turning aside. (I’m a lot slower than Moses.)

 

GETTING SELF-ABSORBED

 

Jesus says to us today and everyday, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”

 

I think what he’s saying is this: When you try to make life all about what I need in my life, what I have to accomplish, what I want, what’s best for me, how much money I need to make... when there are just too many “I-statements” and “me-statements” in your thinking and in your planning and in your dreaming... if there is a whole lot of ego emerging, so much so that ego is crowding out anything related to the importance of other people, then you’re going to get lost.

The more self-absorbed you get, the more lost you will ultimately be.

 

We can get lost in our own personal pain, in our own particular view of what injustices we think have been done to us. We can get lost in dwelling on what hasn’t happened that we wish would have happened. We can get lost in going after “stuff”, in thinking that there’s never quite enough to really satisfy us.

 

But you’re never going to get out of that death spiral - and make no mistake, going through life that way will lead you to a spiritual death - you’re never going to emerge out of that until you stop, and turn aside, and actually forget about yourself for awhile.

 

Moses forgot about the sheep, forgot about his father-in-law, forgot about killing the Egyptian, forgot about Zipporah and his son, Gershom, and he went to check out the bush. And when he heard God call to him out of the bush, he didn’t run away. He could have run away. But he didn’t. He simply said, “Here I am.” And although he spent a good deal of time asking questions and telling God why he wasn’t the right man for the job that God had in mind for him, Moses still didn’t run away. He stopped thinking about what was best for him, and started considering the things he was hearing from God.

 

This is called losing yourself. This is called being willing to lose your life, so that you might find it. And it just might be the most powerful thing that any of us can do. Because when we turn aside and allow God to start to have some say in our lives, well... let’s just say that the focus of our lives can be radically changed forever. And when we make that connection with God, then - no matter what God calls us to do... no matter how challenging it seems, no matter how ill-equipped we think we are to do it... everything shifts. Everything shifts when we suddenly understand and believe that God is indeed with us, as God promised to Moses, and as God promises to us.

 

EXAMPLES OF TURNING ASIDE

 

My process of turning aside took two years in Dominica, because I had a lot of letting go to do. I had to learn how to trust God. I had to come to know and trust that God had way more wisdom than I did. I had to come to know and trust that God loved me way more than I loved myself, and that God would teach me how to love myself, and how to love others. I had to come to know and trust that if I let go of the things that I thought were essential to my life - trying to be in control, trying to make all the right decisions all the time, trying to please other people and be what they wanted me to be, trying to figure out what I could do to be happy - I had to come to know that if I let go of all these things, God would help me find true life, and - no matter what challenges came my way - it would be so much more than anything I tried to make happen all by myself.

 

I was really quite lost when I went overseas at the end of 1982. And so it took me awhile to be found. The good news is that turning aside isn’t always such a complicated process. It can be. But it isn’t always.

 

Turning aside can be as simple as volunteering to sit at the booth at the Louisville Fall Days and being open and willing to talk to whoever walks by.

 

Turning aside can involve saying to yourself, “You know, no matter how busy I am with my life this fall, and no matter what else is going on with our family, no matter how many coaches tell me and my children that we absolutely cannot miss a game or a practice, I am going to go on the Parish Retreat in October, because I haven’t turned aside in a while. I’ve just been on this treadmill we call life, and I need to get off it for a weekend, and see what happens.”

 

Turning aside can be as simple as stopping and agreeing to pray with two questions for a week or so. What is the state of my spiritual life right now? What is God calling me to do, so that I might continue to grow in faith and in love and in hope? Sit with that question for a week. Pay attention to the things that are being offered here at St. Ambrose, or even in the larger community. And see what God reveals to you.

 

Turning aside can be as simple as praying for courage, praying for God to help you act in a new way, when you have been stuck in a pattern that is not good for you, and not good for your relationships. Maybe you are too co-dependent and nice all the time, and it not serving you well. Maybe you not very kind to others, and angry most of the time. Maybe you are too needy. Maybe you take up too much space when you get around other people. Maybe you are too afraid, too shy, too much of a wallflower, and don’t show up enough. Maybe you are too driven in your job and don’t pay enough attention to your family. Maybe you aren’t responsible enough in your job, and you need to gain some maturity in that arena. Whatever it might be, turning aside might be as simple as praying for the courage to come to God and say, “Lord, something isn’t right here. Can you shine a light on this for me, and let me know what step I need to take, so that I am headed in a better direction? Here I am, Lord. I’m listening.”

 

Turning aside can be as simple as coming to church on Sunday, and paying attention.

 

CONCLUSION

You know, just to be clear about something, I have no doubt that becoming a lawyer was the right path for a lot of my CU classmates. It’s not ultimately about the right career path. It is about turning aside and losing yourself for a long enough period of time so that you can realize that God is right there with you. It’s about listening to the Spirit of God. It’s about trusting that God can help you find your true life, your true call, your true purpose. It’s about understanding that God doesn’t call us to a life of satisfying our own egos, but to a life of love and service and empathy and blessing and grace and generosity and ultimately - joy.

 

As the man said, what will it profit you to gain the whole world but forfeit your life?

 

Have you turned aside lately? Have your risked losing yourself? God is waiting. The God of Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel and Leah, the God of Moses - “I AM WHO I AM” - the God of Mt. Sinai and the burning bush and the Exodus - this same God is waiting for you and me to turn aside and lose ourselves. Will you do that this week? Will you turn aside and lose yourself?