PROPER 15C - Jeremiah 23:23-29; Psalm 82; Hebrews 12:1-14; Luke 12:49-56 - 19 August 2007 - A sermon preached by The Rev. Peter A. Munson for St. Ambrose Episcopal Church, Boulder, Colorado

 

Losing and Finding Our Way

 

INTRODUCTION - What I did on my vacation...

 

Hi. How are you? Some of you have already asked me, “How was your vacation?” I can tell you what I did, and what we did as a family, but in some ways it is hard to capture all that has happened in the past month. Alaska was beautiful. It whet my appetite for going back some time. The cruise was interesting - sort of a moving resort. It was nice to be served and to meet folks from all over the place, but it’s not something Julia and I will be probably be doing anytime soon again. We all are glad we did it. But you’ve got to be a certain kind of person - a “cruise person”, I guess - to keep doing cruises. You’ve got to love life being served to you “over the top”. I’m not exactly cruise material, in some ways. I’m more of a get a few friends together and go climb a mountain type of guy, which you already knew, and I already knew.

 

I did that over my vacation, too. I climbed two 14ers a little over a week ago. That day was absolutely amazing. I took the kids camping, and Julia came, too, which was wonderful. In the middle of all of it I had an intense period of work for three days with the Ecclesiastical Trial Court. It was very sad work, mostly, but my legal background came in handy, which is, I suppose, why God put that in my lap.

 

My vacation was like life tends to be. There were highs. Whale watching. Seeing five bighorn sheep on the 14er trip, not 25 yards away from us. Camping with my family, and not getting cell phone reception. There were lows - rain the entire time we were in Vancouver comes to mind. There were times of too many people, especially on the cruise. And there were intimate moments with just one person, or a few people.

 

LOSING MY WAY

 

Halfway through my vacation I went up to Allenspark. I did a hike by myself, caught a few trout, and then checked in at St. Malo for an overnight retreat. I went to be quiet, to take stock of my first 50 years, to give thanks for all that has happened to me in those first 50 years, and to think about the future. Mostly, I went to be with God, to “unplug” - just far enough away for no cell phone reception, just far enough away to escape, to pray, to think, to read, and to write in my journal.

 

Things had been building up for me before my vacation. Many of you are aware of that. The months prior to my vacation were difficult. I have been going through a crisis, truth be told. Some might call it a mid-life crisis. I wouldn’t call it a crisis of faith. I still know my Lord to be just a breath away, thanks be to God! But a crisis, nevertheless. A crisis of questioning, searching, wondering - a time where there is just as much darkness as there is light. A time of asking, “What are you saying, Lord?” A time to listen, that’s for sure.

 

Have you ever lost your way, lost your bearings? I’m not talking about in a car. I’m not even talking about on a hike, although I’ve been through that a few times. I’m talking about emotionally and spiritually.

 

What I realized on my retreat is that over the last few months, I had lost my way, especially with respect to work. What I realized was this: over the past few months, I have been trying to become a church professional. I have been telling myself, “Pete, if you can just get better at running and managing a church, if you can just read more books and gain more experience in the area of church management, things will be better. If you can just keep in touch with more people, and make sure there are no mistakes in the bulletin, and keep the communication as open as possible, and become a better administrator, people will be happy, and St. Ambrose will be better, and... I don’t even know how to finish that sentence.

 

All I know is that God revealed to me on this retreat, and over this past month, that I lost my way - in trying to become a church professional. It may sound a little funny to you. Perhaps you are thinking, “You’re a priest! Of course you are a church professional. You make your living in the church!”

 

But God reminded me, in no uncertain terms, that if I try to be a church professional, I’m in trouble - I’m lost, in fact. Trying to be a good priest, a good rector - trying to have a good church, a respected church, whatever all that means - is a burden that I just can’t bear. Not because I am not willing to bear burdens. Because God has reminded me that it is the wrong burden. That is what happens when we lose our way, I think. We start focusing on the wrong things, taking on burdens that are not even worthy of our attention or our energy.

 

What God said to me out of the darkness, out of the “lostness”, was this. “Transformation, Pete. Christianity is about people being transformed. It’s not ultimately about which way we do the Prayers of the People. It’s not ultimately about whether you belong to a liturgical church or a non-liturgical church, or whether you go to a church that sings traditional hymns or has a rock band that shakes the walls of the place. It doesn’t matter if you call the spiritual leader of the place “Father” or “Mother” or “the minister” or bishop or pastor or “Brother so and so”.

 

Look around for a moment. The renovation that we have done to this worship space looks beautiful, doesn’t it? I really, really like the way this space looks now. Kerry, thank you! All of you worked so hard to make it look like this, thank you! But you know what? If we, the people who are the church, are not being transformed - if we are not growing in Christ, so that we are better equipped to love God, and love the people God puts in our lives, then what this place looks like doesn’t matter that much, does it? The renovation of this place needs to be a symbol, a reminder, a sacrament really - an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, and that grace is this: that God is at work, transforming the lives of you and me.

 

That is why I became a priest. Not to run a church. God forbid! I became a priest because I was and I continue to be fascinated by the life of the Spirit, the possibility and the reality of transformation - mine, yours, and ours. What can I become, in Christ? What can you become, in Christ? What can we become, in Christ? If we are not wanting to be transformed, if we are not willing to move beyond the place where we are today, if we are not willing to trust that God can lead us through territory - sometimes very scary territory - to that place where we become more whole, more complete, more who God is calling us to be, then what are we doing here? We could say, with the rest of the world, “What need do I have of a church community?” But, if we are open to being made new every day and every year, if we are growing in Christ, then we will see the kingdom of God revealed before our very eyes, because we will be right in the midst of it!

 

FINDING MY WAY BACK

 

So this is my confession to you. I lost my way. And I need to tell you that my crisis isn’t over yet. I did not find all the answers in thirty days. I’m not cured. I don’t know that I’ll ever be cured, this side of the grave. In fact, I will tell you this. I think the work that God wants me to do next is some of the most difficult work God has ever asked me to do. The reading from Hebrews today talks about God disciplining us, like a loving parent. We used to have a friend in Virginia, when Julia and I were first married and I was in seminary, who talked about MFG. It stood for More Flippin’ Growth, only Marsha didn’t say Flippin’. I am on the edge of a precipice, and it as if in front of me are painted in the sky the letters MFG. God is calling me - once again (dear God, dear God!) - out of my comfort zone. My entire priesthood has been one big call out of my comfort zone. For that matter, all my years as a Christian feel, in some ways, like they’ve been out of the comfort zone. God calls. God stretches us. God disciplines. God - sometimes gently, sometimes not so gently - says to you and me, “No, not that way. This way. I need for you to come over here now, and try this.” And right now God is saying to me, “Peter, I want you to be courageous, and do another round of hard work. Do you trust me - still?”

 

Jesus has one of those “hard sayings” today. “Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth?” Most of us want that and long for that, don’t we? Peace. Give us peace, Lord. What does he go on to say? “NO, I TELL YOU, but rather division! From now on five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three; they will be divided: father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother...”

 

What is he saying? He is saying that the spiritual life can be quite messy, thank you very much, and that it can lead to conflicts. I think he is also challenging us to grow up and be the folks who God made us to be. This is a passage about differentiation. Be who you are called to be AND stay connected to the people who are in your life. When things get tough for us, we have a tendency to want to leave, to want to run - whether it be in a relationship, at work, or at church. Jesus is saying, “Seek transformation. Seek maturity. Grow. It won’t be easy. There may be conflicts with those who are dearest to you. There may even be conflicts within your own soul. But this is the way. This is the path to true life, to abundance, to wholeness.”

 

Stopping where you are, settling... saying, “I’m fine right here, Lord. I’ve grown enough. I’m too old to learn anything new. I’m done growing.” That leads to a stale, boring, stuck life. And you know what? It leads to death. “Those who want to save their life will lose it.” (Matthew 16:25) Someone you and I both know said that.

 

There was a time, according to John, when Jesus introduced a new concept, a difficult concept, to his listeners. It had to do with needing to “eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood” (John 6:53), so that they could have eternal life. After Jesus said this to them, many who had been following Jesus turned away, and no longer followed him. And Jesus asked his inner circle, “Do you also wish to go away?” And Simon Peter answered, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.” (John 6:66-69)

 

The Way may not be easy. But it is the Way that leads to life, to abundant life, to eternal life. And it involves being shaped, disciplined, and transformed.

 

I lost my way. But the Lord has a way of finding those who are lost, and getting us back on track. We have a guide. We have a Good Shepherd, who lays down his life for the sheep. That’s the really good news. To whom can we go? No one but the Lord can take us where we most need to go. He doesn’t promise us that it’s an easy road. But he does promise us it’s the right road, and the road that leads to life.

 

CONCLUSION

 

I don’t want to be a really good church professional. If you see me heading in that direction, please tell me to snap out of it, or give me a little wake-up slap. Do you know what I want? I want to be transformed by the living Christ. I want to keep following the one - the only one - who has the words of eternal life. I want to learn how to love, and there is only One who is going to teach me how to do that.

 

Paul put it this way in his letter to the Romans:

 

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so you may discern what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:1-2)

 

Anyone can be conformed to this world. Our Lord is inviting us to be transformed. That is what he asks us (all over again) this day. Are you willing to be transformed?