EPIPHANY 5C - Judges 6:11-24a; Psalm 85:7-13; 1 Corinthians 15:1-11; Luke 5:1-11 - A sermon preached by The Rev. Peter A. Munson for St. Ambrose Episcopal Church, Boulder, Colorado

Our Authentic Selves, Our Growing Selves, and Grace

INTRODUCTION

I think sometimes as Christians we act as if we can’t bring all of who we are to God.

What if I have questions or even doubts? What if I don’t feel worthy of God’s love? What if I’m fearful on some level? What if I am hesitant, when it comes to something that I think God might be calling me to do? What if I’m feeling angry about something, or depressed?

There can be this “Christian culture” around us that throws Christian lingo at us.

“Step out in faith!”

“Let go and let God!”

“Be obedient!”

“God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

“Just believe!”

“Have you taken that to the Lord in prayer?”

There are kernels of truth in these sayings, even kernels of wisdom. But sometimes you get the impression that folks are saying, “You can’t have any feelings. You shouldn’t struggle as a Christian. You should never complain or protest. Just suck it up and be a warrior for Christ.”

Fortunately for us, we are presented with some very real people in the Bible - people of faith, mind you - whose actions and words fly in the face of what we might call the Christian greeting-card wisdom. In Gideon, Peter, and Paul, we get real-life people, with real concerns, real doubts, and very human reactions.

GIDEON, PETER, AND PAUL

Gideon was hiding out from the Midianites, who had taken over the land of Israel and destroyed Israel’s crops and livestock. The angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon and said to him, “The Lord is with you, you mighty warrior.” Gideon didn’t respond, “Great, who should I smite first?” No. Considering Israel’s circumstances, he had some questions, some obvious questions.

“But sir, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us?” Perhaps you’ve had enough struggle in your life where you’ve fired away some ‘why’ questions at God, too.

When the Lord commissions Gideon, he doesn’t say, “Oh, that makes everything different. I’m ready to go.” He still has some questions. “But sir, - [don’t you love how polite he is?] - how can I deliver Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

My older brothers and sisters used to beat the tar out of me, and you expect me to take on the Midianites and deliver Israel? Gideon asks for a sign, so that he can be convinced that the Lord has the right guy for the job. There is a certain amount of skepticism going on here.

Simon Peter and James and John had spent the whole previous night fishing, and had caught nothing. Now they were engaged in the necessary but pain-in-the-rear task of cleaning the nets. Unfortunately, they weren’t getting much peace, because a crowd of people had gathered around this Jesus fellow, to listen to him teach. There were so many people on the shore that Jesus came over and said, “Simon, I need to use one of your boats. Can you put it out a little ways from shore, so I can talk to all these people, and everyone can hear?” (Simon Peter was the first church sound system guy, I suppose.)

Jesus was asking more than that, really. He was asking Peter to let go of the net cleaning for a while, so that he could come and listen to Jesus, too.

Ever feel like you’ve got way too much to do? Ever feel God nudging you to take a break, stop, and come into his presence? Ever find yourself protesting? “Lord, I’ve got too much to do. I can’t stop and take a break. Who is going to pay the bills, get new tires for the cars, meet the deadlines that I need to meet at work, get the kids to their games and help them with their homework?”

“I know,” the Lord says. “But trust me. Those things really can wait. Come hang with me for a while.”

Simon Peter thought about it, maybe even protested at first, and then walked over to his boat, put Jesus out a little ways, sat down in the boat near Jesus, and listened. And after a while, Jesus finished his teaching. Imagine what Peter was thinking. “Well, that was nice. I’m glad I took that break. Now I need to get back to cleaning those nets.” Only Jesus had another request. This one was more challenging, at least on an emotional and spiritual level.

“Simon, put out this boat into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.”

Surely Jesus must have noticed them coming in to shore, early that morning, with nothing. How could he respond without getting too frustrated? Fortunately, all those people on the shore could not hear his conversation with Jesus. “Master, we have worked ALL NIGHT LONG but have caught NOTHING. Nada, zero, zip! Are you nuts? I don’t feel like going out right now, and the nets need to be cleaned first, anyway.” Jesus replies, “I know, Simon. I know. But I’m asking you to go out into deeper water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

Hmmm. This guy is quite a teacher. Maybe he knows something that I don’t. But I’ve been the one fishing all my life. I know this lake. I know the habits of fish way better than he does. Hmmm. What to do?

Probably you’ve felt like Simon Peter before. Lord, do you really know what you’re asking? Do you really know what you’re doing, when you ask ME to do this? “I don’t know, Lord. I don’t think so. All indications that I can see point to this being a really bad idea.” But sometimes, even if we don’t say yes right away, we think about it, and if it is of God, it keeps gnawing away at us. Maybe there’s a delay of a few minutes, or a few days, or a few weeks, or even a few years. God can be quite persistent, and quite patient.

“Master, I’m skeptical - I’m quite skeptical. We worked all night and caught - remember what I said? - absolutely nothing! But if you say so, I’ll go out a little farther, and put down my nets.”

Simon Peter went out a little ways, let down the nets, and there were so many fish that the nets began to break. He yelled to James and John to bring the other boat. They scrambled to get it launched and came as quickly as they could. Even with two boats, there were so many fish that the boats began to sink. Good God! Was this a good thing or a terrible thing? Are these boats - our very livelihood - going to sink right here, right now? And yet, the nets held. The boats didn’t sink.

Sometimes when we step out in faith, even in a small way, God blesses us in ways that, prior to acting, we couldn’t even begin to fathom. We make a new friend. Our marriage turns completely around and becomes so much better. Our new job is better than we imagined it could be. We join a small group and learn how to pray for each other and have a powerful experience of God’s love and presence that we can’t even put into words.

And you know what? Sometimes, just because that’s part of who we are in the moment, we wrestle with the blessings, too. One minute we can be praying, “Please use me. Please bless me, Lord God.” And when the blessing comes, the next minute we can be saying, “Oh, no! I can’t handle this! This is too much!” We can react just like Simon did. “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful person!” Or we say with Gideon, “Help me, Lord God! For I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face... [and it is scaring me to death]!”

We hit those places in our journey where we come face-to-face with our unworthiness, in comparison to God’s holiness, and we protest. “Why do you waste your time with me, Lord? Be gone! I can’t take it! I’m not worth it! I don’t know how to continue with you, and be who you call me to be. Your love, your forgiveness, your life-giving presence is too much for me to bear!”

Paul thought he was doing the right thing when he persecuted all those folks who said that the Messiah had come in the person of Jesus of Nazareth. He was a man of faith. He studied the scriptures. He knew that the Messiah wasn’t coming out of Nazareth. These people were pulling other Jews away from being faithful to Yahweh, and they must be stopped.

There he was, arresting people, having them thrown into jail, and on the way to Damascus to do more of the same, when the bright, blinding light appeared.

And he heard that voice, a voice he had never heard before, saying loudly and clearly, “Saul, Saul! Why do you persecute me?” And suddenly he didn’t feel so smart, or so sure of himself. And the most obvious question he could think of went straight from his mind to his lips. “Who are you, Lord?” (Acts 9:1-5)

Paul never forgot that day. He continued to think about that day whenever he reflected on the fact that the same person who accosted him on that road called him to be his follower, his apostle, his evangelist. Hear how he puts it to the squabbling, full-of-themselves Christians in Corinth: “[The risen Christ appeared to all sorts of people - first to Peter (oops, he forgot the women!), then to the twelve, then to over 500 believers, then to James. And then...] “Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared to me. For I am the least of the apostles, unfit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But - [and here is the amazing, life-changing ‘but’] - by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me has not been in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:4-10)

AUTHENTIC PEOPLE, GROWING BY GOD’S GRACE

These three - Gideon, Simon Peter, and Paul - are real people. They brought their questions, their skepticism, their frustrations, their zeal and their anger, their self-righteousness, their feelings of superiority and their feelings of unworthiness, their sense that they didn’t have time to stop and hang out with God , their wisdom and their lack of wisdom - they brought all of these, and more, to the feet of the Lord - whether it was the angel of the Lord, the Jesus who walked with them on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, or the risen Christ.

They didn’t try to be some certain way. They brought whatever they were thinking or feeling in the moment. Sometimes it was not very well thought through, and they went off half-cocked, you might say. Sometimes they were scared out of their minds. But they brought their authentic selves to the loving God. And you know what? God is absolutely fine with that.

You notice that Jesus didn’t walk away when Peter said to him, “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” Simon Peter wasn’t telling Jesus something that he didn’t already know. No. Jesus not only didn’t leave. He said, “You’re one of the ones I want right next to me, learning from me. I need real people like you. Come, follow me. I’ll lead you to a whole new way of seeing. You’re going to have an entirely new vocation, and you will be introduced to a whole new way of living.”

And that’s what happens to us, when we bring our authentic selves - with all our questions, all our doubts, all our feelings, all the times when we are full of ourselves and all the times when we are so insecure or ashamed that we feel lower than a worm - when we bring our authentic selves, Jesus stands right there, and says, “You are someone I love deeply. Not only that, I can take someone real like you and work with you. Come and follow. My grace will be sufficient for you.

My grace will enable you to grow and to be transformed in all the ways that you, and you alone, need to be transformed. And you and I are going to have an amazing life together, with all of its ups and downs.”

By the grace of God we are who we are. And God takes us, right where we are, and by His grace - as we are open to that transforming grace - we become more authentic. We become who He wants us to become. And it all starts with us being authentic, with sharing every feeling, every thought, every question, ever insecurity, with the One who can handle all of it.